“Every woman is the leader of her own life.” -Abby Wambach
When I take stock of the life I’ve built for myself and the friendships I have around me I feel proud to stand strong in body and mind. The path I’ve created looks quite different from anything I saw growing up in California and Texas. Though I grew up in educated and accomplished circles, there were no women who looked and behaved as I did. Men and their accomplishments took center stage and the women were so polished. From an early age, I resisted a path of marriage and children and polishing. My path was to be different than the ones laid before me.
Listening and observing is a skill I honed as a young, painfully shy introvert. The few times I opened my mouth to speak as a child was often to say No.
“No [I don’t want to say hello to that person who I don’t trust].”
“No [I don’t want to be nice to the pastor of Second Baptist who is clearly a creep].”
“No [I don’t want to eat that bird or that anything that my parents did not cook.]”
“No [I don’t want to put on a dress to attend that cotillion].”
An early ability to voice a strong “No” to people or circumstances at odds with my inner compass was strong enough to stoke the ire of parents, teachers, and other children. Obviously, this was not popular behavior for a young black girl who was labeled a stubborn contrarian. I had multiple teachers from kindergarten to college keep me after class to tell me they “don’t like me” to my face and could not tell me why. I had coaches tell me they “don’t want me on their team” and teammates who did not stick up for me. I had parents who told me they did not want me in their house.
I could be upset about this but it created the right amount of tension to push me towards my future. It created the type of resilience required to birth new things into this world. Early inclinations against groupthink led me to hone a strong impetus towards intentionality and to continue forward in the face of rejection.
Because of this, I now seek out others who I see creating a way where there was none.
“Every good thing that has come to me–and the women I respect–has happened when we dared to venture off the path.” -Abby Wambach
Recently, I invested in someone who walks her own uncharted path. Davonne Reaves impresses me daily with her creativity, work ethic, and strategic plans for success in work and personal live. Davonne launched Vesterr as a platform to crowdfund for hotel investments.
Those of you who know me know that travel and health are of supreme importance in my life. Travel educates me about myself and the world at-large. Meeting other people and experiencing new environments helps to expand my mind. Being intentional about health means constant learning how to balance between movement and stillness to understand my body and mind and restore them to peace with regularity. I do not outsource my health to insurers or doctors (or politicians). I have always crafted my own health plan and that involves taking absolute responsibility for the foods I eat, the exercise I partake in, the professionals I visit on a regular basis, as well as the boundaries around who I choose to allow into my life. As a result, I feel healthier now at 47 than I did at 27.
It feels good to throw my support behind wonderful souls who create with passion, drive, and kindness. I have hope for Atlanta with women like this visioning the world.
I’m not the girl who stays on the path, keeps her mouth quiet, and follows the rules. I’m much too hopeful and curious for that. I used to worry that I would end up not part of any team, that it wasn’t in the cards for me to walk within community that sees value in me and wants me to walk amongst them. But lately, I feel certain that I’m starting to find my pack. To paraphrase Abby Wambach, I was never Little Red Riding Hood. I was always the Wolf.
