Tension: 1. the act of stretching or straining. 2. the state of being stretched or strained. 3. mental or emotional strain: suspense, anxiety, or excitement. 4. Pressure. 5. the longitudinal deformation of an elastic body that results in its elongation. 6. the force producing such deformation. 7. electromagnetic force; potential. 8. a device for stretching or pulling something.
Competition: 1. the act of competing; struggle or rivalry. 2. a contest for some prize, honor, or advantage. 3. the rivalry offered by a competitor. 4. the struggle among organisms for food, space, and other requirements for existence.
Growing up in a small yet diverse town in Northern California exposed me to many cultures and experiences. Our little house, built by a Mormon guy named Forrest, was situated in the center of a shallow court off a short street within walking distance to the elementary school. To the left of our house was an Italian family and to their left, a Chinese family. On the other side was an older surfer kid named Curt and next to him, a white missionary family recently returned from Brazil with an extroverted adopted Black daughter named Donnie.
As the shy kid and the youngest around, I enjoyed observing the ribaldry and boisterousness of the Italians at Christmastime as much as I enjoyed and was intrigued by the serene energy and quieter tones of the Lee household. In our safe little circle, we built bike ramps with Curt and played make believe with Donnie and another kid named Chad that often involved Star Wars action figures. We toggled between the Black Baptist church in Hayward and the mostly white, nondenominational Christian church where we began our schooling.
My favorite caretakers were a woman named Pat and her Greek-American husband, Ange. That house was all love. Pat toted me around on her hip and fed me sliced pears while next door, Aunt Gwen and my cousins could be counted on for sharing stories about East Texas and other family shenanigans over bags of popcorn and sips of Dr. Pepper as we swam in their pool before my Uncle Cop got home and yelled at us all to leave so he could have some peace. Good times and…tension.
It was a whirlwind of expressive cultures living amongst each other, sharing and caring. Of course there were disputes and disruptions, but it was our community and folks worked together supporting each other where we could.
People think competition makes us better when it’s actually tension that fosters growth.
An abundance mindset means believing and moving through the world as though there are enough resources for everyone. Because I believe competing for resources robs people of energy and honor is an innate–not bestowed–trait, it leads me to defend tension as one of the greatest stimulators of growth.
I exist, therefore I am: worthy of love, capable of excellence, and destined to succeed.
Advertising executives trying to sell us on scarcity have created a katabatic effect that has nearly pushed this society off the proverbial cliff. Hustle culture has become the predominant mindset while people push a busyness agenda that ignores core values at the micro and macro levels and sends everyone racing to the bottom.
But, both Darwin and Maslow evolved their original theories to suggest that adaptation and cooperation, not competition, are the progenitors of species survival and predictive of overall life satisfaction.
While struggle and competition are [politically] manufactured, it’s the tension that’s real. Tension is the force that stretches us and pulls us towards growth: the uncomfortable conversation, the failed interview, the derailed marriage, the trainwreck of an election cycle, all represent key points for change. Moments rife with tension and waiting for pressure to be relieved by taking time to be present, refocus, and relate.
Resilience forges leaders in these moments.
